Love, Lies and Deception…

We always dream of having someone in our life, someone to love and care for, someone to open our heart to, a shoulder to cry on. It’s a natural desire in every human being. Some people succeed in their mission while others fail. Some people are always trying and still luck isn’t on their side. Maybe they still need time or the good people haven't found them yet.

The climb begins......

With me taking steps to recovery...I've decided to shut myself down and try to keep myself really occupied to try to forget the entire chapter that has left a very deepened scar within me. Tho I might not know if it's either a slow process or not, I'll still have to take that first few 'baby' steps... Guess I shall start from my all time fav and challenging game, WwF..... Gunning for the coveted top spot will be on one of my list now on the road of recovery....

Another pleasant surprise or shud I say two pleasant surprises?

I'm not perfect.......

I am not a perfect person,

And I don't try to be.

I'm just another person,

That is being me, myself.

Diary Of A Shattered One....

We were just friends at the start, Always having fun, never apart

Then one day, something sparked, next thing I knew, you had my heart.

The days flew by, I lost track of time.

Everytime I was with you, I was on cloud nine.

Then one day, I asked you to be my girlfriend, You said, yes! 

And prayed we'd last until the very end.

No one could look into my eyes and say I wasn't happy. 

Happy that I was with you, and you were with me.

A pleasant surprise in the midst of ..............

Didn't realize I made it to the Top 25 world rankings in WwF....

Each tears representing what I hoped would have been years....

You told me that you loved me
why did you leave me to shed tears in the cold

You swore this time was different

why does that line seem so old

You told me I was the only one

who could make you feel that way

You told me that you cared about me

so why didn't you stay

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew...

It hurts to breathe coz every breath I take proves I can't leave without you.

To fall in love is awfully simple but to fall out of love is simply awful. 

A life wid love will have some thorns but a life without love will have no roses.

An Unforgettable Memory From WwF...

Every single time when I'm in a game on WwF, I always never fail to remember the times where I would purposely try to keep the tiles of the letters to her name and try to keep it as long as possible while in a game wid her. In other words, I'm only using 2 tiles out of the 7 tiles to play the game and indirectly giving her chance? Coincidentally, I had the letters to her name 4 games in a row where I would rearrange it to form her name and I'm happy about it the whole entire time... Taking turns to 'beat' one another in the game, the chats in WwF and the sad Emoji smileys whenever I score big points are one of those unforgettable memories embedded within me. Not forgetting a time where I nearly dropped my phone bcoz she scored a 57pts with the first word on the board when she started a game wid me. It's was a waste that I didn't manage to screen shot that moment.....

_ _ _, _ _ _, _ _ _, _ _ _
(The 1st three letters of our name since FB)

Days Ahead......

I wonder what lies ahead now...with me shutting down my FB, change of email addresses and soon to be my numbers, I guess the only place left is here...where I can pour out whatever feelings I have and live the virtual life here. Not forgetting a change of my WwF game ID as well when all current ongoing worldwide games are completed. Friends have been asking me why I could not be found in their friend list and why do I even delete my FB account in the first place which I have held for close to 8 long years since FB first started....

Fly Can.........? And The Day I Really Flew......

For the last few months where things were beautiful back then, I always have the feeling of 'flyin'... Unknowingly, I literally flew yesterday... Should I count myself lucky or unlucky? Everyday since then, I hope someone could take away my hurt, pain, anguish and despair which never seem to subside and at that moment in 'flight', I felt momentarily the feelings I've been having since then disappeared. When I opened my eyes, I was thinking to myself, "Have I.....?" Suddenly I felt pain and that's when reality sets in and I realized I'm still on earth with people looking at me early in the morning...

Lucky or unlucky? Lucky in the sense that I didn't get run over when I landed on the opposite side of the road thanks to the red light. Unlucky in the sense that I'm still here to bear the hurt, pain, anguish and despair? I don't really know which point of view to look at. Up until now, I'm still thinking to myself how did the accident happened? All I knew was I didn't see the car that came when I was heading straight on my bike... Fatigue, distractions or whatever you call it... The aftermath.......

The hurt, pain, anguish and despair that are scarred permanently within begins... (Cont.)

One of the most painful things in life is seeing the one you love and adore...loving somebody else...

Got a text from her today.....asking "how am I?" My reply....."I can't and do not know how to answer that." Short silence followed before I said, "I'm surprise you still remember me." Her reply, "I do. Everyday without fail." At that point in time, I juz felt my heart wrenching. I could feel the tears starting to swell from within my heart. The feelings were overwhelming. Silence followed again before she said, "I'm sorry" twice and she said, "There is something I wanna say." After hearing this, I was thinking finally the time has come that she wanna come clean about 'everything' that I had knew all along but it was not to be.......

The hurt, pain, anguish and despair that are scarred permanently within begins... (Cont.)

"How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without?"

"I didn't say anything... I juz walked away..."

Yes I did...two days after she gave her 'reason' where I found contradictions and inconsistencies after many, many thorough thoughts. I walked away not bcoz I'm letting her go nor do I no longer luv her but bcoz it's too much for me to bear it all and also to spare her the agony of finding reasons to end this whole thing. Mainly too for the fact that I do not wish for her to lie unintentionally which I figured she would if she has to as I dun wish to portray her as a liar. The hurt, pain, anguish and despair follows - a constant reminder that never seems to subside as the days pass.... I told her, "I'll nv let you go" as I really appreciate, treasure and cherish her. The times we spent together chatting on FB, WwF & Watsapp cracking jokes and 'flyin' here & there etc... As I look back, those memories embedded in my mind are still very fresh and I truly miss those times.

The hurt, pain, anguish and despair that are scarred permanently within begins... (Cont.)

The Post That Started It All....

What is LOVE???

In math: A problem

In history: A war

In chemistry: A reaction

In art: A heart

In me: You

In biology: A life

In physics: An energy

In geography: The unknown

In music: A melody of highs n lows
In home econs: A joy of fillings

The hurt, pain, anguish and despair that are scarred permanently within begins... (Cont.)

Dedications To Her Then....

The hurt, pain, anguish and despair that are scarred permanently within begins... (Cont.)

The Memories From Her....

    The first image...    

The hurt, pain, anguish and despair that are scarred permanently within begins... (Cont.)

Knowing that she is now happy being back together wid her ex-bf or shud i say bf now....It's a mystery why the sudden change in his behavior towards her when he had a year to do so...why only now when she was with me....why, why, why and why....etc? I guess the answers doesn't really matter now... Nonetheless, I do hope he really treasures and cherishes her this time round with a girl like her who is very hard to come by.... "A Beautiful & Gorgeous "1001" girl that captivated me, who made me believe in love and trust again when I'm wid her... A sweet "1001" girl who never fails to make me smile each day and every time... and a caring "1001" girl who shows concern of my well-being..." All these were then... but what about now....?

The hurt, pain, anguish and despair that are scarred permanently within begins...

With the entire truth of the actual reasons and facts kept within me unknown to her that I had knew since then.....even till this very day, it was still untold by her to me of whatever that came out from her mouth... I'm not angry or anything lidat, as a matter of fact I do not even know why too.. All i juz felt were the hurt, pain, anguish and despair..(Tat's probably why I do not feel angry or anything lidat coz I've turned numb of whatever that has scarred me permanently within) I feel that I'm slowly seeping into depression with whatever that I've known that I kept within me.. There are many whys and questions in my mind but no one can give me the answers I needed..not even her...for I know she will hide the truth from me to prevent hurting me further? (I do hope that is her real intentions) I'm mentally and physically drained.. I feel my life is slowly fading away while she is happy wid her current life now without giving any hoots about me.. It all doesn't matter... Like I've always told her, "I only want you to be happy" (which is one of the top priorities on my list when I knew her), not sad, hurt or anything lidat.. and the sentence that we share........... 

~I'm Happi When You Are Happi~

A Short-lived "Unique & Beautiful" Romance...

It's cruel how life treats you sometimes ... How you have endured the multiple hurt, pain and despair before, only to be hit again when you are just recovering from it all where a six year relationship almost took your life...which you had spent your entire six years trying to giving that someone the best of you, the best you could ever possible give, only to be betrayed where you least imagine it would happen. With that wrenching experience, you build a wall around yourself, a wall where you are so skeptical and cautious about love & trust which resulted in you never believing in love again.

Along the road to recovery, you made new friends, on a new journey in life...someone came along, made you believe in love and to trust again. As the feelings developed mutually in the ensuring days, weeks and months that follows, you let your guards down, gave a full 100%, only to have your hopes and dreams shattered till the point where you couldn't even pick the pieces altogether in juz a short matter of days....  I blame no one but only me, myself for being allowed to....

A summary of a "Unique & Beautiful" romance

“Never let someone be your priority, while you remain their option.."

When you think about it, it's totally true. You spend most of your time putting someone else first in your life. You wonder what they're thinking, are they happy, are they sad, what can you do to make them happy. And to them, you're nothing more than an afterthought. Someone to fill the void and emptiness. They spend maybe one day with you on the weekend. And then when you are not needed, they ignore you like you don't exist. MAYBE they'll send you a text message. MAYBE they'll answer the phone if you call. But, more often than not, they don't think about you. You get frustrated, sad and tired of it all. What can you do differently to get them to look at you the way you look at them, the truth is, nothing.... "I felt like a fool, I had gone so far out with my feelings, I didn’t realize I was standing there alone."

My Daily Thoughts....